I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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