Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
