im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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