Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
