After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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