Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dick has a subreddit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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