My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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