So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
