Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
