the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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