after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
