...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
