having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
