like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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