in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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