I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
