we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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