Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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