It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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