If i could tip my vagina, i would.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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