she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
