Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
