Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
