the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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