The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
