I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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