Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
