3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
