Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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