I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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