I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
