I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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