Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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