Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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