What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
