Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
