just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My ass is underappreciated
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
