So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its not stalking. its research.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
