Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
