Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
