I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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