i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and she was petting her beer can
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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