the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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