dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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