you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
