I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
