You're my little dorito
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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