No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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