Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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