You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
