How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
